This blog post covers #6 on our list of 7 of church etiquette guidelines: DO NOT: disregard, disrespect, disrupt, distort, distract, DISTRESS, or disturb. This ‘rule’ reminds us to NOT cause anxiety, stress, sorrow, pain, or the like in others. One of the ways to know if we are violating this objective is to think of what ‘distressed furniture’ is. When we do to others what one does to get the distress look, we are probably breaking this guideline. When one starts looking like ‘distressed furniture’ and we are the reason for that, then we are at fault. To produce ‘wear and tear’ on someone else’s life (outwardly or inwardly), whether we do this by direct measures or by creating an environment (situation) that does so, is wrong! Way too many churches are seen as ‘not safe’ because they are toxic to one’s life, soul, happiness, well-being. “Brothers this ought not to be.” Another way to cause distress is to allow someone to carry a burden alone. Whether we are talking about WEIGHTS (like grief, stress, anxiety, hurt, sorrow, etc.) OR WORKLOADS, we need not let anyone struggle along alone. Most churches operate under the “80/20 rule” = 80% of the work is done by 20% of the people (80% of the money comes from 20% of the people). We need to step in and step up to help shoulder OUR part of the burdens, workloads and responsibilities.

Our blog on church etiquette continues with the 5^th on our list: Do Not Distract. If you read (remember) the blog entitled Do Not Disrupt, you might think that this rule and that one are the same (after all, they ARE very similar and do cover many of the same ‘areas’). However, the similarities are not reason enough to NOT cover this area again seeing as this is THE area where etiquette is most often breeched. The previous rule [Do Not Disrupt] dealt with <words, actions, movements> that interrupt, impede, or interfere with the flow of the service; i.e., things that divert the attention from what is suppose to be happening. Today’s rule deals with NOT derailing, detouring, or diverting attention from what is suppose to be the focus to things that are not suppose to be THE focus. Thus, the rule covers a border range of disruptions/distractions. The previous list is included of course (words, actions, movements), but one must add additional things like:

So, whether it is attitudes, looks, or smells, WEAR IT WELL! Properly preparing for worship should include a balance between too much and not enough… so as not to distract from the worship experience. The consideration of and thoughtfulness for others is a characteristic of real Christianity.

We use 7 statements here at NCM to summarize ‘church etiquette’: DO NOT: disregard, disrespect, disrupt, distort, distract, distress, or disturb. Having previously dealt with the 1^st three, today, we present # 4 on this list: Do Not Distort. This aspect of etiquette invokes, implies, and involves a number of Christian responsibilities. Not distorting when one is repeating (or reporting) a story (or a statement) is bigger than just ‘not stretching the truth’! Distorting occurs when one exaggerates, embellishes, effects, or edits the truth of a situation in any way. But ‘dishonesty’ (whatever the reason) is not the only way one distorts. To repeat or report something that isn’t true because one failed to receive (hear) it correctly, and/or failed to research whether it is true or not (verify) are 2 other ways to distort. For Example, most teaching that turns out to be false is not an intentional twisting of the truth, but is rather a simple mishandling of the Scripture [stemming from a failure to take the handling of Scripture seriously]. Thus, distortion does NOT revolve around one’s intentions!

Discussing ‘church etiquette’, this blog is using 7 guideposts to summarize it for us here at NCM: DO NOT: disregard, disrespect, disrupt, distort, distract, distress, or disturb. We have previously dealt with the 1^st two, so today we consider the 3rd in this list: Do Not Disrupt. A disruption occurs when ‘some type of interruption shifts attention from the main focal point to something else.’ Growing up, many children were taught ‘not to interrupt’. Many are not being taught this today, and still more do not think it applies when they ‘have something to say!’ But this is still the best way to determine if something is disruptive or not. ‘Service interruptions’ occur… (1) when people talk to each other during the service (during announcements, singing, preaching) [a common way to judge disruptive behavior is “is this rude?” — & since we all know that it IS rude to talk when someone else is talking, this one is easy to conclude as ‘disruptive’); (2) when people enter or leave the room at inappropriate times (“inappropriate” here is in tandem with how much attention is diverted; e.g., it is NOT appropriate to ‘interrupt’ the invitation/altar call! This is the time for folks to respond to God, and the SLIGHTEST interruption is magnified! 2 ways to avoid this etiquette breach: (a) be on time – it is ‘rude’ to be late when you can prevent it; (b) Plan ahead – e.g., go to the restroom before the service; (c) And if you have to leave/enter a service already in progress, be as inconspicuous as possible! Remember the goal is NO ATTENTION DIVERTED. (3) when moving about or responding in a way that is different than the rest of the congregation. This last item on the list has to be considered delicately: some might view raising one’s hands in worship as disruptive (and for people who are uncomfortable with ‘expressive praise’, it might be)… BUT that does not constitute a true ‘disruption’. The question in distinguishing whether something is disruptive or not is “is this seen as a ‘correct response’ or is this ‘creating a ruckus’?” The answer must be mindful of the flow of what is happening and whether one’s <actions, words> interrupt that (or shift the attention/direction). If God impresses you to go to the altar, go to the altar (yes, even in the middle of a song)! If you feel the need to say Amen, say Amen. If you are moved to stand during a song, stand! These are NOT disruptions to the flow of the service! But asking, “what’s for lunch?”… really?

Church Etiquette 1 was a blog post that dealt with not DISREGARDing those who have joined us physically inside the building. Today’s blog will deal with the 2nd of the 7 summaries concerning ‘church etiquette’; that second attitude is: Do Not Disrespect. There are many different traditions that surface and sometimes are shared by church members. These traditions vary, as one would expect, in different places around the world (or around the corner), or even in the same place. This is true partly because traditions stem from various sources: the culture, the church, or even Christianity as a whole. Recognizing that would be the case, Paul gave instructions to view our causing a brother to stumble as something to be avoided. That requires us to place our own traditions or ‘freedoms’ a little lower down on the decision template [“just because you can, does NOT mean that you should”]. It will be true that certain traditions might NOT mean anything to us, BUT that is not a reason to trample on them as entirely meaningless for everybody. When we respect others, and show that respect in our behavior, we are demonstrating humility, deference, and love for others. Is it even possible to be Christ-like AND disrespect someone?

To speak about & summarize ‘church etiquette’, I would use the following 7 guideposts: DO NOT: disregard, disrespect, disrupt, distort, distract, distress, or disturb. We’ll make one blog post for each of these seven ‘words’. The purpose is to see how we are to understand what is expected from the members of New Church Memphis in the way they conduct themselves in the House of God. First, Do Not Disregard [= Put others at ease]. One-way people view ‘Etiquette’ is as ‘polite behavior’ as defined or designated by the populous (general public). Proper Etiquette is therefore about NOT being rude! A common way for church members to be seen as ‘rude’ is to ignore or to disregard the people who attend church with them. When we ignore other members of (or even worse, when we ignore guests visiting) the church, we are in breech of etiquette! When we encounter someone at church, whether in the parking lot, the hallway, a Sunday School room, the Sanctuary, wherever, we need to engage them with the following activities (when/where appropriate): Greet people; smile; be friendly; introduce yourself (& others); shake hands; offer help (like directions); attempt to make people feel welcome; after the service, thank them for attending & invite them to come back! These activities are in keeping with etiquette, common courtesy, and politeness in general. Do not be rude, do not disregard others (guests or members). The benefits will not only be a reputation for being friendly, kind, welcoming, considerate, and helpful, but it will also pave the way for folks to get to know us and hopefully join us. Let’s put people at ease, not put them off!